Oh how strange it is to be back here again.
It’s been 729 days since I opened up a blank screen to write a blog post. And that time I did? It was to shut down Profresh Style, to say goodbye to sharing my journey, of my life I suppose, with you on a continual basis. And like most who started early on, I was exhausted from creating content that wasn’t relevant to my core, and thus, definitely not relevant to you. I felt disconnected and ultimately wanted all my energy to go into this new idea, JIG+SAW. So I wrote you a letter, in hopes that you’d follow this new journey, and that you did. JIG+SAW was a huge albeit short-lived success. I met so many incredible women on their journey of entrepreneurialism, opened up a beautiful pop-up at the Row and was able to create a team, build new ideas together and ultimately, give me the space + time to evolve JIG+SAW. More of that to come.
On that day I wrote my love letter to you, I felt excited. I remember feeling the most free; free from needing to conform to the trend, free from the obligation it turned into and genuinely, free from feeling like I needed to share what I was ultimately still processing. Launching a company, working on a relationship that was soon to be the most retched pain I’d feel in my lifetime up until then, and closing JIG+SAW’s physical and digital doors was all a LOT to process. And as it goes, it happened all at once. So, I took all of 2018 to go inwards, shut it all down and refocus.
And refocus I did.
There’s so much to say, so much I learned about myself. I struggled a lot with trusting my intuition, trusting there’s already been a path created for me, believing that I was making the “right choices”. And to be fair to the journey, I’m still going through it. There are very few days where I don’t question myself or overanalyze a decision made or a conversation started. But, it’s all a part of the process and now at the point where sharing is crucial at this point, in this new chapter. And I’m so happy to be back here.
Going into this new year, I already knew there no zero resolutions. I have nothing I want to work on, nothing I want to fix/change/adjust. I am happy because I’m choosing this life; there’s no other options for me. What will resolutions/goals really create other than expectations that belittle the imagination, that create limits for ourselves? I don’t want a limit, I want everything this life is willing to give me. And I’m so fucking present for it. I am breathing in what’s happening and preparing for what’s ahead of me. I mean, have you ever just stopped… breathed in… and felt that sort of calmness only stillness brings? Because man, that’s exactly how it feels. I give up trying to control my future, I give up trying to create some sort of full-functioning vision when ultimately it’s not up to me. It’s not even close to being my own. So I’m here for it. The stillness is where I choose to be.
I won’t begin to guess what you went through this year. Like so many of my close ones, I’m sure it was a hell of a challenging year. I’m sure it was a difficult time of processing, uncovering and realizations. So, I do want to encourage you to loosen up your grip on resolving your year. I challenge you to breathe in and let go of the shit you hold against yourself, the stuff that sits heavy on your chest at night, at times leaving you so breathless it feels like just can’t do it. I’m so there with you. But I hope, at its minimum, you can see that the year is only fully yours if you let go of trying to control, let go of thinking it was yours to manipulate in the first place. Breathe into what moves you, what excites you, what makes you well up with emotion. That’s where I’m leaning anyway.
Sincerely love you.
It’s so great to be back.